Society murdered my childhood.

Kidding, kind of.

Do you ever think about how when you were a little kid literally everything brought you joy? Sycamore seeds, dandelions, conkers- the simplest of things. I remember being completely entranced by the sight of a ladybird. I’d spend hours and hours digging in the garden for ‘fossils’ and ‘dinosaur bones’. My imagination was completely uninhibited and I could lose myself in such insignificant things.

But then, it’s as if I got to a certain age and suddenly that stuff just wasn’t enough anymore. I was no longer satisfied with a cardboard box as my pirate ship, or a patio for a stage. I wanted more.

You can call it what you want, growing up, being realistic, greed, ambition… I call it all of those things, but mostly I call it sad.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with any of those answers if I am being honest but,  I also don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting more than you have.

Society tells us that ambition is a positive trait and we should always strive for more. This is based on the idea that we, as humans, should value hard work and responsibility. The idea that financial gain and power are the paths to happiness. Yet it hasn’t always been so, we didn’t need these things to experience true joy as children, what changed?

Why do we stop appreciating the little things as we get older?

I’m sitting in a park as I write this, in the middle of an empty field. I’m looking around me and remembering how much fun I used to have in this very spot when I was little. I’m wondering, when did I stop being excited to spend time here? Why is it that now, even though I think it’s a place of relaxation and tranquility, I don’t appreciate it the way I did when I was young.

I wish I could go back in time, and spend a day being 9-year-old Jodie. I miss running around and playing hide and seek it, or making daisy-chains and pretending to be whatever I wanted.

But I’m 18 now, so I’m expected to be more mature and grown up.

Grown ups don’t play pretend… maybe I’m not a grown up yet.

 

Love Jodie x

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