Kidding, kind of. Do you ever think about how when you were a little kid literally everything brought you joy? Sycamore seeds, dandelions, conkers- the simplest of things. I remember … Continue reading Society murdered my childhood.
I started counting trees today
but stopped at eighty four
though I haven’t any proof to show
I’m sure there’s many more
I also counted smiles today
and conversely counted frowns
there’s some doubt about my findings
as I counted upside down
In all honesty I am just in love with this poet and his work. This particular poem elicited a shout of the word ‘this’ from me so I concluded it was worth sharing.
Lots of Love
I am someone who strives for originality and craves uniqueness. Drastic as it sounds, I would gladly sacrifice my humanity and morality for the chance to be an individual. A real individual. But by this I don’t mean different to everyone in the ‘hipster’ sense of the word. I don’t want to have to try and be unique, I just want to be it. I mean that I want to be completely and unquestionably myself. Only myself.
Of course I know all the sayings; no one can be you apart from yourself, you are your own person, there is only one of you. Blah blah blah, bullshit. If we are all different then why are there so many people with the same interests as us? Why are there so many universally ‘relatable’ things? Why do I find myself scrolling through hundreds of feeds and timelines and blogs and social media accounts and finding more and more people like me?
There are five things in my life (aside from family, friends and other basic needs) that I would say are important to me:
- Cats- specifically mine
- Clothes- specifically dark skinny jeans, doc martens, checked shirts, short skirts, long socks, harry potter/band t shirts, baggy jumpers.
- Books- specifically fiction, YA novels, poetry anthologies, a few classics.
- Coffee- specifically all kinds of coffee.
- Fairy Lights- Specifically blue or white, not yellow.
Now I would think, that given how specific my requirements for each of these things are, I would be one of very few people who would set these things as a top five needs in life.
But I’m not, there are numerous people that I’ve encountered who love all of the things that I do. Which is scary if you ask me, and if I overthink it too much then my brain delves into all sorts of ridiculous conspiracies about the government and media so I won’t go down that route. But essentially, this means that despite my best efforts; I am terrifyingly, painfully and undeniably…ordinary.
Maybe, I’m being melodramatic- correction, I am definitely being melodramatic.
But I am genuinely at a point my life where, although I finally happy with who I am, I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what I want in life, I feel an extreme lack of purpose and I don’t have any long term goals due to my overall cluelessness.
So I’ve been desperately clinging to my sense of individuality. Yet now it seems that even that is nowhere near as prominent as I thought. I know that I like people who are different and I enjoy having the freedom to be who I am with those people. However, I don’t know how I feel about it when I look closer. When I do that I can see that actually I am quite similar to some of those people. Although a lot of my opinions and values and likes and dislikes may be against the general norm they still fit in with a group of people who feel the same way. It’s almost as if we have group mentality of collective abnormality. We are proud of it, but doesn’t that make me no more unique than any of them?
What if this sense of self that I’ve been feeling lately isn’t really that at all? It’s just been me changing from trying to fit in with one group in order to fit in with another, more accepting group.
I don’t really know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t know what to think either.
I know that I am immensely over thinking now. This entire piece of writing is the product of me lying in bed at 11:30pm and allowing my mind to wander. When I wake up I’ll probably come to some sort of conclusion as to whether or not I change myself or my outlook on life. Heck, I’ll probably laugh at this entire piece of writing because it’s so trivial. But for now I suppose I will continue my existential crisis as I attempt to fall asleep. Because for now, in this moment, it’s important.
Anyway, chances are none of this makes any sense, but if you’ve read this far then congrats, you’ve impressed me!
Until next time,
Love Jodie x
In case you hadn’t already guessed by this obviously Potter inspired blog that you are currently reading… I’m a huge Harry Potter fan! I love all things Harry Potter and … Continue reading The Harry Potter Picnic Extravaganza
I’m Erin (Bold text)
I’m a 15 year old Hufflepuff who is still waiting for her letter to Hogwarts. Yes, it’s a sad reality for the majority of us.
As well as being a complete Potterhead, I’m an all-round geek, and proud. Here is, hopefully, where I will be able to release my creativity in-between exams and, well, life. But I solemnly swear (Potter Reference already, you see what I mean?) that I will write on here when I have time, and enjoy myself doing so.
And I’m Jodie (italic text)
Aren’t we intelligent for letting you know who’s who straight away?
I’m the 17 year old Ravenclaw who encourages Erin to be strange in the selfish hope that it will make me feel less abnormal. I have an obsessive personality, hopefully this blog will be one of my obsessions because then I might actually be doing something productive with my time. Let’s face it spending hours on youtube and pottermore is not actually beneficial the functioning of my brain. So it’s time for myself and Erin to branch out and actually put our love of writing out there.
Together though, because we lack the ability to motivate ourselves. We’re not ambitious like Slytherins or outgoing like Gryffindors. We are anxiety-ridden Ravenpuffs, all we want is to be at home with our books, pyjamas and warm beverages. Literally that’s all we do, even when we’re together.
Hope we haven’t bored you to tears already!
The Geeks That Shall Hug You