TRIGGER WARNING. TRIGGER WARNING. TRIGGER WARNING. ANXIETY. DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF A PANIC ATTACK. TRIGGER WARNING. It is unstoppable. It is terrifying, it is uncontrollable. I can’t see … Continue reading When the anxiety kicks in.
They say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you’re alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It’s not just where you lay your head
It’s not just where you make your bed
As long as we’re together, does it matter where we go?
~ Gabrielle Aplin
To me, home is somewhere I feel safe and happy. I dont have the easiest home life, my brother has a lot of issues, my sister gets very sad sometimes and my mum is not very well a lot of the time. But there is nowhere else I’d rather be than with them.
Some days all I want is to get out of the house, I want to run and never look back. Some days I wish I lived somewhere else, away from the chaos and stress. But then I remember that without the often chaotic atmosphere, it wouldn’t be home. I wouldn’t feel safe, and loved. and at ease, because home is where my family are.
Home is where my cat waits at the bottom of the stairs for me when I come in. It’s where my soft, blue fairy lights are. It’s where I sing songs with my sister at the top of my lungs, dance around the house in my underwear just because I can. It’s where my brother tells terrible jokes that you can’t help but laugh at. It’s where I can go and lay in my bed with a book and a coffee at the end a bad day. Home is where I want to be.
Maybe it’s the introvert in me, but the majority of the time home is where I wish I could stay. I love going out with my friends and I love doing exciting things, I enjoy going for walks and being out of the house. This is because a lot of the time I can feel claustrophobic in my house given some of the less than perfect circumstances. But I know that none of that means anything when I have my family with me, because we have the most fun ever. My mum, although a lot of people don’t know it, is one of the funniest people I have ever met, my sister is the kindest, most considerate sister in the world, and my brother is the quickest, wittiest 8 year old in existence. They’re all perfect in their own ways despite their flaws and they are where my home is.
Let me know what makes a real home for you in the comments!
Love Jodie x
I have signed up to the wordpress course for finding everyday inspiration so a lot of my posts are going to be based on this for a while, I hope you enjoy them!
I write because of a lot of things, the main reason being that I have a lot of thoughts. An impossible amount of thoughts to be completely honest. Writing helps me to put them in order and figure out which ones are actually important as well as those that aren’t. At the moment I’ve got even more on my mind than usual, I won’t go into detail because that isnt the purpose of this post but let’s just say I’ve been writing about my worries and experiences a lot recently. If you’re someone with a talent for over thinking like I am then perhaps try writing to get your thoughts out in the open. I’ve found it’s the only thing that helps because it acts as a way of venting as well as clarification so you don’t have to keep everything bottled up. As a wise woman once told me, don’t be a pressure cooker of a person.
Thanks for reading,
Love Jodie x
It’s only been a week and yet I have learned so much.
During the last week I have found that I have far more amazing friends than I thought I had. Now, that isn’t to say that I didn’t already know my friends were amazing, because I did. But after this past week of going through a very difficult time, I have found that my friends are the silver lining of a currently miserable situation.
You see, I was dumped. It sounds brutal, the word dumped, it wasn’t. It sounds harsh, it wasn’t. The boy that I loved told me that he no longer felt that way for me.
It hurt. A lot.
I won’t go into the details of what happened (although there isn’t much to it) because that isn’t fair.
Although I will say that I am fine now, I wasn’t then, but I am now. At times I still feel sad about it, sometimes I am angry but most of the time- I’m over it. I’m so over it.
After two years of being in a relationship with someone you’d think it’d take longer to feel ok again. However, honestly, a week later I’m practically me again. I have my friends to thank for that.
I am beyond grateful. They have been there for me, for the late night phone calls, the teary afternoons, the anxiety filled mornings, everything. They have been supportive, accepting, helpful, kind and considerate. They’ve put up with my moaning and ranting and confusion. They’ve helped me feel ok again in such a short space of time. I know now, that no matter what happens in my love life or lack thereof for now, I will always have the most phenomenal people there to help me through.
So thank you.
As for the feeling of first heartbreak, there isn’t much I can say other than it’s s*** to be completely honest. I went for days with a lump in my throat and a weight on my chest. I felt sick to my stomach, I held a constant feeling of dread and I permanently felt light-headed.
He was my first love, first kiss, first everything.
But I regret nothing, the two years we were together were some of the happiest I’ve had. He was an amazing person to be able to share part of my teenage life with and I’m honestly so glad that I got to share it with him. But now, I’m ready to move on, I’ve done my moping. Some days may be harder than others but pretty soon I won’t even think twice when I see him in the corridor at school. I’m practically there already. I don’t feel uncomfortable in the slightest when around him, the first day was the hardest, now I don’t actually care. I’m happy. I do what I want, I talk to who I want. I try my hardest to be as sensitive as possible but to be honest, it wasn’t my decision to end the relationship so I should be able to do as I please now.
I’ve finally had the opportunity to make a decision, even though the end of our relationship was not my decision.
What happens next most definitely is.
Thank you for reading,
let me know your thoughts on first loves, or first heartbreaks, or any other firsts.
Love Jodie x
So this post was supposed to be about the brilliant Harry Potter Picnic that I hosted.
It was a brilliant and happy, fun-filled day. But honestly, I am not in the mood to write about that today. It feels wrong that yesterday I was having fun with my friends, worrying over Harry Potter trivia, and fighting to win a stupid quiz. Because today right now there are over 50 people in hospitals in Orlando, fighting for their lives. There are another 50 dead. It is likely that the death toll number will rise. The night before this Christina Grimmie, a highly talented youtuber and musician was shot at a meet and greet after her concert. She was shot by a man who didn’t even face up to the consequences as he subsequently shot himself afterwards. There will be no justice for her. Those are just the deaths we around the world have actually heard about.
I am so so angry. The thought that someone walked into that nightclub last night and opened fire on a huge number of LGBTQ+ people is to me unimaginable. Yet it happened. It actually happened.
In 2016, after fighting for equality, fighting to change opinions and fighting for the right to love who the hell we want. This can still happen. In a gay night club, where people go to be themselves in a safe environment and have fun. If a gay person cannot feel safe in a gay bar then how are they supposed feel safe in the rest of the world?
The press are calling the shooter ‘mentally disturbed’. If this is a true and accurate depiction that he was in fact ‘crazy’ then why on earth was he allowed access to a gun? The vast acceptance of guns within America is mindboggling to me. I know a lot of people argue that it isn’t guns that kill people it is the person behind said gun. But surely, if something that is designed to kill is so easily accessible it is bound to cause death. The assault rifles used in these murders are not for hunting, they are for killing.
The shooter used an AR-15-type assault rifle, which has become the signature weapon of mass killers in the US according to The Telagraph.
Jon Cozart- a youtuber tweeted this:
Automatic weapons were invented for war, to kill mass amounts of ppl. You can’t hunt with them. There’s nothing recreational about them.
I agree. The type of person who buys again is obviously fine with committing murder. Chances are, even if your excuse for obtaining the gun is ‘self-defence’, in the moment at which you decide to use the gun for that reason, you are likely to shoot to kill.
So why is it, that after countless scenarios like these recent ones, nothing has actually been done to prevent it happening in the future? So far, at the time I am writing this, 50 families are mourning the loss of a loved one due to gun violence. Another 53 are in hospital rooms and waiting rooms as they watch loved ones fight for their lives.
Thank you for reading my rant, I am so worked up that I’m not even sure if it all makes sense but I felt the need to express my thoughts somehow. I just wish I could do more than #PrayForOrlando because it’s really not enough.
The Harry Potter picnic post will be up at some point this week although I am not sure when yet.
Let me know what your thoughts on this tragedy are in the comments.
Love Jodie x
I’m Erin (Bold text)
I’m a 15 year old Hufflepuff who is still waiting for her letter to Hogwarts. Yes, it’s a sad reality for the majority of us.
As well as being a complete Potterhead, I’m an all-round geek, and proud. Here is, hopefully, where I will be able to release my creativity in-between exams and, well, life. But I solemnly swear (Potter Reference already, you see what I mean?) that I will write on here when I have time, and enjoy myself doing so.
And I’m Jodie (italic text)
Aren’t we intelligent for letting you know who’s who straight away?
I’m the 17 year old Ravenclaw who encourages Erin to be strange in the selfish hope that it will make me feel less abnormal. I have an obsessive personality, hopefully this blog will be one of my obsessions because then I might actually be doing something productive with my time. Let’s face it spending hours on youtube and pottermore is not actually beneficial the functioning of my brain. So it’s time for myself and Erin to branch out and actually put our love of writing out there.
Together though, because we lack the ability to motivate ourselves. We’re not ambitious like Slytherins or outgoing like Gryffindors. We are anxiety-ridden Ravenpuffs, all we want is to be at home with our books, pyjamas and warm beverages. Literally that’s all we do, even when we’re together.
Hope we haven’t bored you to tears already!
The Geeks That Shall Hug You